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April 6, 2014

Good evening,  thank you for coming to this event.  Ladies, thank you for putting on panty hoes as we all know that alone is at least an hour’s commitment.  I say “ladies” because no matter the equality, I think it is safe to assume that no one who does not feel the need would subject themselves to such torture as to put those darn things on your body.  One day we will rid the world of those awful creations and be a much happier and jigglier society!  Who doesn’t like a little jiggle. 

( As I have mentioned before, I am not a fan of acceptance speeches!  They seem a little bit ridiculous in practice.  If it were up to me, I would have the people who did not win the award give the speeches.  They would be a lot more fun to watch!  And if you perform a poll, wouldn’t most people say that they do not like to give speeches or speak in public?  So, them winning an award, aren’t we kind of punishing them by making them get up on the stage and talk while we silently judge them until they are done talking so that we can later judge them out loud. )

This is an award that doesn’t belong solely to me but to all of those around me.  Just like Newton said, “We stand on the shoulders of giants,” and that is exactly how I got up here tonight!  No, I don’t mean high heels, although I think those should be outlawed along with the panty hoes, but don’t get me started! 

I first heard that saying when I worked for an amazing non-profit named City Year.  It was here that I got the privilege of working with some of the most talented and inspiring people in my life.  Some of them were my superiors, some my peers, and others were just 13 years old.  Let’s all reminisce for a minute about our lives at 13.  I think we all have some horrifying images running through our heads and if you don’t there are two potential reasons. 1.) You blocked it out and are saying, “No comment,” with that all too familiar single tear. OR 2.) You were the exception the the rule and you were the person that everyone thought was ‘peaking’ but you weren’t you were just lucky enough to not feel the world crashing down on you with each and every pimple.  Either way, this simple time of reminiscing is to accomplish one thing and that is to appreciate what you can learn from these people.  

( Also, aren’t awards speeches obnoxious.  Most of them are spend giving thanks to the people who gave you the award, and I realize that it is important to thank the people who are honoring you, but hearing everyone thank the same people in a 3 hour awards show.  Don’t you think the Academy gets it?  Maybe the host should just thank the Academy for everyone, right at the beginning as to not hold up the rest of the show? )

From the middle schoolers, we can learn: perseverance, humility,  and vision.  Let’s start from the top! 

Perserverance: It takes that and more to walk the halls of a middle school.  There are eyes everywhere looking for someone to fail.  To walk into third period, even though you know that your hair has a cowlick, or you forgot to put lotion on, and everyone can tell,  that takes guts.  So for that, I salute you!  

Humility: Yup, when you screw up, you gotta own it!  It’s okay, you’ll get ‘em next time!  Maybe don’t say that you know everything, because someone might question you!  It’s okay to be wrong.  If you are humble, you won’t fall as far!  

Vision: Everything is possible.

Even the abolition of panty hoes and high heeled shoes! Thank so much! 

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